Further Thoughts on Friendship (Revised)

I think it is of utmost importance to understand the nature of your relationship with someone, and what you gain from them, and in turn, to be aware of how they see the friendship. (Yes, I believe you should gain something from all your friendships, whether it be insight, support, love, challenge, mental stimulation, inspiration, kindness, generosity…whatever.) We live in a society of extreme transience, and perhaps precisely because of that, we are overly obsessed with finding things that last forever. Best Friends Forever. But not all friends are going to be “best” friends, and not all friends will be “forever.” Those are impossibilities, and I think we waste an extraordinary amount of energy being disappointed by this fact. There is only one thing eternal in this world, and we are all a part of it, but singularly, we are not it. If we put all our faith in the momentary things, we will always find disappointment, but if we focus on that which does not end, then we can give and receive from an inexhaustible store. When one thing ends, something else begins.

I love my friends. I am grateful and lucky to have them in my life. Some I talk to once a week, some I see every day, some I talk to once a year, some I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. Many I may never see again. Some I tell jokes with, some I talk politics with, some I go camping with, some I have a history with, some I call when I’m depressed, some I call when I’m happy, some I play cards with, and some I can do nothing with, pleased simply with their company. Some know my darkest secrets, and understand me in ways deeper than I sometimes understand myself. I have not chosen the connections I have with these people, nor have I really consciously chosen the friends that I have. Circumstances and life have brought us together, and circumstances and life may take us apart. But every single one has been a touch point of God’s grace in my life.