The Creation of a River

There was a drop…and then there were more. One by one, until ten by ten, until the sky was full of falling droplets and God laughed and people mistook it for anger, but it was just laughter, and it was funny and He laughed even more as looks of consternation spread out over people’s faces. He chortled, the way a father does when his young boy jumps back at the sight of a spider or something else insignificant. The thunder was thunderous, and the lightening was sharp and brilliant and it was bright and jagged, and it stretched out across the clouds that hung like soft ornament pillows on God’s Christmas tree. But the trees were below on the mountains, and the rain was soon on the mountains too, and it slipped off of pine needles on some mountains, and off of broad oak trees on others, and off the leaves it slid and rushed down the branches and trunks, or sometimes it just hit the dirt and skipped the trees. And the earth came to life. Little miniscule craters appeared everywhere, and it looked like the earth disappeared, but it was just displaced one way, then another, tossed around by the rain, which soon became more than rain and single droplets, and soon became brooks, then streams, then creeks, then rivers that roared and displaced even more earth cutting up the mountains. But the rivers did not cause the mountains any pain, if anything they tickled them, and the mountains laughed too, causing the earth, this time I mean the planet, to shake. And the people got really scared, but really, it was all funny and even really beautiful.

And the rivers filled the seas. And the seas swelled. And a man with a boat and 2 of every animal floated on the seas as they crashed about like a tub full of water does if you add more water. The seas were like giant tubs, and the people were scared of them, but they were not so scary, they were just tubs of splishy splashy water that used to be single drops. God grew sad as He saw that people were scared of so much. They were missing all the laughter.
“What should I do asked God?” and He answered very quickly because He’s God and He already knew the answer when He asked it, and He said, “I’ll create irony, and I’ll give people the ability to see it, and when the people don’t know what is happening they’ll say, ‘that’s irony,’ or maybe, ‘that’s ironic,’ that sounds better, and they’ll laugh because understanding that you can’t understand something will be annoying but really funny. Then they’ll laugh, and then they’ll think of Me.” And God decided that of all the irony in the world He’d make one thing stand out above all the others as a symbol. He decided to create a desert, a vast desert, an inhospitable desert that would support no life, other than hard shelled creatures and serpents, and funny animals with two humps on their backs, and through that desert, that harsh barren desert, He would put a great river, the greatest longest river in the world and it would give life to the desert. And from the desert would come forth all the greatest prophets preaching all the good things that people should know and live by, but instead the people would not listen and instead fight over the desert, and that would be the greatest irony of all. And maybe, though the people die and come home to Him, many others would see God in all the irony. Or maybe people would just be sad and hate…He really didn’t know... “man is a funny creature,” He laughed, and the people flinched in the boat upon the seas.